I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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