Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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