Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
