I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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