They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
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I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
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Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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