If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
3 2 1 whiskey
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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