I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
dude i'm inner monologue high
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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