Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
being pregnant is like rehab
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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