I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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