u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
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No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
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So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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