Your mouth is God's brothel.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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