sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
