I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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