Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
