Someone shit on the floor
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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