It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
