You made me cry and you don't even care
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
