Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
