I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
