Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
