Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
