I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
