you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
