Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just high enough for therapy.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
