i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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