her facebook's as public as her vagina
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He passed out mid-signature
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just invented taco cereal.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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