I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
