I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
