Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
