I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
