After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
