I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
