there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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