If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
