One girl and one boy is just not enough.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
