Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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