Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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