he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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