Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
