my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
