Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
