Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
