if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize