Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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