My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
