i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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