I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize