dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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