You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
