I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
