you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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