why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
