Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
