We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
