is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
