if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize