he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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