I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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