Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
