btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
