Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
