He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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