Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
