it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
