he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
