There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
