Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
