I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
