Having a random hookup so left but love u
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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