Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
